This is my official 911 call to all advertising copywriters. If you’ve ever used the word “LIFE” in any headline, body or web copy, it’s time to turn in your union card and head for Arby’s. They’re in desperate need of cheese slicers. The ad landscape is awash in LIFEstyle messages. Enough! You’re sucking the LIFE out of life.
Before we tackle some of the most blatant violators, let’s be fair and extend a golf clap to these fine products and pubs that get a pass.
- Lifesavers
- Life Magazine
- Life Cereal
- Life the board game
- Life Insurance (just kidding)
- Life (I only have one to give to my country)
And now, here are just a handful of Hall of Fame LIFEsuckers.
- LIFE Comes At You Fast – Nationwide Insurance (step aside or we’re mailing a check to your family)
- Life Beckons. Choose wisely Amstel (pick the wrong beer and die)
- Life is ticking Timex. (tell me about it)
- Leading Light for Life. Pfizer (absolutely no clue. Better copy writing through pharmaceuticals?)
- My life. My card. American Express (my draining cash flow)
- Shoes for life. Clarks Shoes (wow, one pair that expands and then gets super comfy 75 years later)
- Healthy, Beautiful Smiles for Life. Fixodent (except when they’re in a glass of water)
- Where there’s life, there’s Bud. Anheuser Busch (where there’s vomit there’s lost car keys)
- Take it for Life. Midol (I swear, 33 years of marriage and not an unpleasant moment)
- Life is a journey, travel it well. United Air Lines (please return your life to its full upright position)
- Life’s a sport. Drink it up Gatorade (bad news…you’re sweating purple)
- Soak up life Viva Paper Towels (now that’s what I call absorbent)
- Grab Life by the Horns. Dodge (grab your wallet. You own a Dodge)
- Life uninterrupted. Luvs (finally a diaper that never needs changing)
- Eat Life Up. Wish-Bone Salad Dressing (life over 50 = lettuce)
- It’s not a hotel, it’s a way of life. Holiday Inn (no it’s a motel)
- The Way Life Should Be. Sicily (an offer you can’t refuse)
- Live Life. Stay Free. Poise pads and pantiliners (Pretty sure this isn’t a guy thing)
- Life is harsh. Your tequila shouldn’t be. Jose Cuervo (harsh is a Curevo hangover)
- Your Best LIFE Now by Joel Osteen (just cause this guy makes my molars ache)
Last and certainly least…
- Discover a Healthier Slice of Life! Kingsmill Bread (You’re killing me!)
Comments 2
Of course throughout the entire post all I could hear in my head as I was reading was “you light up my life, you give me hope, to carry on….”. Thank you Debbie Boone.
Posted 18 Aug 2008 at 9:53 am ¶I would like to comment but I am to life less, and since I don’t have a life, think of all the money I will save.
Posted 18 Aug 2008 at 4:09 pm ¶Post a Comment