"I sang backup for Janis in '68"

America has a personnel management problem. The personnel in question; the ever present boomer generation, the 7 million of us born between 1946 and 1964. And the management problem is just what to do with us as we ease into our twilight years. As with everything else related to this generation, the numbers are big. And the solution is popping up all around the country in ever growing numbers, Boomer Barns. They’re being built in every suburb, city and small town in the country. And before you can say Electric Kool Aid Acid Test, they’ll be chocked full of boomers. Right now, they’re testing the plumbing with today’s seniors. But trust me, the big prize in the retirement center game is the boomers. And they’re coming in droves.

The Woodstock generation is poised to trade in their VW buses for Power Scooters and gently cruise into that final Be In. And you can bet your original vinyl of Highway 61 Revisited, Whispering Pines will be retooled to welcome these wrinkled flower children.

Whispering Pines will be renamed The Farm. Gone will be knitting and needlepoint circles, replaced by macrame and tie dye classes. The dining room once filled with the aroma of pot roast and potatoes will be replaced with vegan dishes made from organic veggies grown in the People’s Garden. And physical therapy will no doubt be replaced by group therapy for those who still can’t sort out their place in the universe. Movie nights, once jammed with gray hairs marveling at Fred and Ginger’s dance steps, will feature Easy Rider, The Graduate and 2001 A Space Odyssey. The later follows a late night dessert of oregano brownies, perfect for improved digestion.

Brothers and sisters at The Farm will gather in small groups to complain about the cost of healthcare, compare surgery scars and lie about being in the front row at Monterey Pops when Jimi torched his Strat. And oh yes, much like previous generations, they’ll wonder why the kids don’t come to visit more often. Maybe the kids will be tired of hearing how cool it was back in the day. Because, maybe it just wasn’t that cool.