Before we tackle some of the most blatant violators, let’s be fair and extend a golf clap to these fine products and pubs that get a pass.

• Lifesavers
• Life Magazine
• Life Cereal
• Life the board game
• Life Insurance (just kidding)
• Life (I only have one to give to my country)

And now, here are just a handful of Hall of Fame LIFEsuckers.

• LIFE Comes At You Fast – Nationwide Insurance (step aside or we’re mailing a check to your family)
• Life Beckons. Choose wisely Amstel (pick the wrong beer and die)
  
• Life is ticking Timex. (tell me about it)
• Leading Light for Life. Pfizer (absolutely no clue. Better copy writing through pharmaceuticals?)
• My life. My card. American Express (my draining cash flow)
• Shoes for life. Clarks Shoes (wow, one pair that expands and then gets super comfy 75 years later)
• Healthy, Beautiful Smiles for Life. Fixodent (except when they’re in a glass of water)
• Where there’s life, there’s Bud. Anheuser Busch (where there’s vomit there’s lost car keys)
  
• Take it for Life. Midol (I swear, 33 years of marriage and not an unpleasant moment)
• Life is a journey, travel it well. United Air Lines (please return your life to its full upright position)
• Life’s a sport. Drink it up Gatorade (bad news…you’re sweating purple)
• Soak up life Viva Paper Towels (now that’s what I call absorbent)
• Grab Life by the Horns. Dodge (grab your wallet. You own a Dodge)
• Life uninterrupted. Luvs (finally a diaper that never needs changing)
  
• Eat Life Up. Wish-Bone Salad Dressing (life over 50 = lettuce)
• It’s not a hotel, it’s a way of life. Holiday Inn (no it’s a motel)
• The Way Life Should Be. Sicily (an offer you can’t refuse)
• Live Life. Stay Free. Poise pads and pantiliners (Pretty sure this isn’t a guy thing)
• Life is harsh. Your tequila shouldn’t be. Jose Cuervo (harsh is a Curevo hangover)
• Your Best LIFE Now by Joel Osteen (just cause this guy makes my molars ache)

Last and certainly least…

• Discover a Healthier Slice of Life! Kingsmill Bread (You’re killing me!)